Double Trouble for Hallows eve
by TARDISshipper
Summary: Read inside for fun times, let's just say, everything escalates quickly, and everyones favorite badass blondie vampire meets an extreme similar looking omnisexual.


**Alright, so some forewarning before I begin writing. I have not watched very much of Buffy The Vampire Slayer, and if I have, it was a long time ago at an age I can't remember, also, I have yet to finish Torchwood season two and so far, I only have a slight dynamic on all the characters in the story. But I am going to try this out. Hope you enjoy.**

**Cardiff, 8:00 pm. October 31st 2007**

John Hart swaggered into the flat, hands in the pockets of his black trousers and his striped jacket on, boots trudging across the waxed maple floors. Before the owners of said flat could object to this sudden entrances, he pulled out two very large guns from the inside of his coat.

"Ah ah ah, let's not get too hasty. Sit, yes, both of you." With cautious hands the owners of the flat sat back down, sure to be very far away from the man pointing the guns at them, because he sure as hell knew how to use them. John looked to his vortex manipulator on his wrist for how much time he was booked for before good ol' Torchwood decided to come and take him away. He could tell they wouldn't take too well to the fact he "may" have blown up their SUV, Ohoho, the look on Eye-candy,'s Jack's and the rest of the team's faces, that was just too good to be true. Just delicious.

He had decided to have some fun with this. John went to the cabinet and pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniels. At that time, the owners of the house decided not to try their luck and began sneaking slowly out their back doors, without sparing another glance, John shot straight at the doors, shattering the glass. The wife and husband didn't even exchange glances when they broke out into a sprint, the wife screaming. John laughed until he found himself doubling over, unable to breathe. He checked his VM again, he still had some time. He took the bottle of Jack Daniels from the cabinet and plopped himself down onto the armchair, flicking on the Tv. What interested him was what was on, Buffy The Vampire Slayer... Interesting, this Buffy character sounded, he sat tight, watching bemusedly.

**SunnyDale, 8:00 pm, October 31st 1998**

Spike was so done with this shit. He just wanted to be evil again, being evil was always more fun, and morals, ugh, horrible things, but at the same time he treasured them. Buffy was going to her wank of a school dance, that was just cool. Spike was too awesome for dances, yeah... Man did he feel like loves bitch right now. Damnit he missed Drusilla, apparently he wasn't demon enough for her. That was fine, that was just fine, not like he needed her anyway. God he felt lonely somewhat.

Buffy's mother Joyce trudged down the stairs, purse in hand, in a rush as if she forgot to give someone something. Dangling off her elbow was a camera, bingo. She forgot to give little Buffy her camera for pictures.

"Spike, don't tell me you're waiting for Buffy to get home."

"I'm bloody bored."

"Just don't make a mess. You know Buffy won't be back for a while, right?"

"Don't care, bored."

"Alright." She began walking toward the door. Spike shouted out before she left.

"Hey! Do you have any of those tiny marshmallows?" Mrs Summers waved her hand in a yes motion before shutting the door behind her. Alone Spike was. He decided to get up from his current spot and wander into the kitchen. He opened the freezer and took out a tub of Ice cream, Neapolitan flavored. He grabbed the tiny marshmallow packet from the cabinet along with a big spoon and took all the items to the couch. He set the items down and shrugged off his leather duster before flopping onto the wide couch and grabbing the ice cream, tearing the lid off carelessly and tossing it to the side. Next to open was the packet of marshmallows, he tore it open with his fangs and poured as many as he cared for into the tub, took a spoonful and began eating. Spike turned on the Tv.

What in the bloody hell was this supposed to be on TV? It was just a bloke starin' at him.

"Oi, what the bloody hell are you starin' at?" He said mockingly to the TV, to his utter surprise the bloke on the TV answered.

"Well the view is quite nice from here." Spike noticed how the man looked somewhat similar to him, only a tad bit older looking, darker hair, and a slightly deeper voice/accent.

"This is bollocks! You answered me! In 126 years, this, is new."

The man on the tv smirked at him for a moment.

"Captain John Hart, who're you supposed to be?"

"Names Spike, mate."

The man, "John" Stroked his chin in though for a moment in thought.

"The rift here in little Cardiff must be enabling us to talk... Bloody weird..."

"Hey! Quit stealin' my dialect!"

"Someones a bit grumpy. Have a bad break up and moping about it?" John taunted, seeing a bit of a hint there in the vampires eyes. Spike quickly got up from his spot on the couch, his nostrils flared in anger, mainly because it was true.

"Shut your face!"

"Ohhh, did I strike a nerve?" Spike approached the TV. What the hell was he about to do, it was a bloody tv set, maybe the ice cream was playin' tricks on him or something or even, Buffy spiked it because he didn't wanna come with to the stupid little prom. His fangs protruded as he lunged at the tv, and for a minute he felt as if everything was pulling apart at him, before he ended up right before the very man taunting him. He hissed and jumped to his feet.

John clicked his tongue in amusement."So the rift does work wonders."

Before Spike could attack for blood the doors were being busted open, and along came Torchwood.

"Drop the guns John. And step away from the-" Jack cut off as he saw the man next to him, they almost looked the same, aside from some minor differences.

"Fucking Bollocks..." Owen started.

"How is that even?" The whole team inquired. Soon enough they had guns pointed at both John and the mysterious person. Before Jack could blink Spike was before him.

"Oh, I'm sorry, confused by little me?" He said mockingly, his fangs protruded once more as he prepared to bite. Tosh, who was next to Jack, though fast and kicked the man in the groin. He hissed in pain and turned to her.

"Going to take a lot more than that sweetheart." He said.

"Than bite this!" She kicked harder than before and pistol whipped the vampire. Spike hissed and rubbed his head.

"Ack, I get it, no biting, no biting, geez. You humans are tougher than I take you for."

"How did he get here?" Ianto asked.

"Must have been a link between the rift and somewhere else.." Jack guessed. Soon enough he snapped on a pair of cuffs to Spike and John.

"Get further than ten feet from each other and you're bacon." He said.

"I don't think I'd like to try that, although you have to admit, I'd be scrumptious." Said John, winking at Jack. Ianto glared to the side at John. Spike fiddled with the cuff before he broke it.

"Whoops, my bad!" He said, holding both hands up in mock apology, one dangling a broken cuff.

"Okay, so reminder... Get the right cuffs from the vault next time." Gwen said inaudibly.

"I heard that Gwen Cooper." Jack said, still staring at the two look alikes, who exchanged glances.

"As if I though one was bad enough..." Ianto muttered.

"How do you lot banter this much and not die at this point? Bloody hell you could chat up a whole union if you wanks tried!"

"So, you're taking me back to Torchwood, goodie." John said sarcastically. He paced a bit."Also, whats the new car look like after I had some fun with the other." The whole team glared. John walked outside to get a look, and promptly began laughing. Parked out front, was a small Acura.

"Best you could get on short notice? Good ol' Torchwood, resourceful as ever. How're we gonna squeeze, do you have some shrinky-dinky device in there?" He mocked. Jack just growled.

"Just get in the damn car, we'll squeeze in if we have to. You too blondie. Also, didn't get to introduce myself, Captain Jack Harkness."

"Spike." The vampire answered stoically. Leaning on the hood of the car

"Alright, we're going to need to squish back here..." Tosh said. "Alright, so, Spike, John, Jack, Ianto, and I will be in the back. Gwen, Owen, drive." She said, aware that Jack would want to keep a really close eye on the two.

"This means one of us has to sit on someones lap,right?" Ianto asked. Tosh nodded. Jack patted his lap as he took the door seat, as if saying "C'mon, you, on my lap, now." For a moment Ianto blushed before climbing in onto Jack's lap. Next to climb in was John. He grinned as Spike was about to enter. He patted his lap suggestively.

"Uh, no." He said bluntly. Next to climb in finally was Toshiko, and they began to drive to the hub. As they rode John began to make quips about the current position between Jack and Ianto.

"Ohh, dirty position you've got there, don't you eye candy?"

"Stop calling me that." Ianto said, irritated.

"No. It's a better name for you."

"Shut it John." Jack piped in.

"You can join in too if you want."

"As tempted as I am, no." He said, sarcasm brimming his voice.

"Oi! You lot, shut your traps!" Owen and Spike shouted simultaneously

"What's their problem?" John asked, with a faux confused expression.

"He's just an ass. Owen's always like that. I don't know about Spike here..Except for the fact he's not human, definitely a vampire." Spike held up his hands in mock surrender, putting on an expression of fake surprise.

"Ooohhh, you caught me in the act! Want a cookie?"

Banter was exchanged as the car ride went on until they arrived to Torchwood hub. Things that night were.. interesting, and they found out they had to return Spike to his dimension before midnight when the rift for that location closes, it was still unexplained how he had gotten there, but honestly, after tonight's escapade, Team Torchwood just didn't give a fuck... They drove Spike back to his location of entrance to this world, and before he had went, he received a smack on the ass, courtesy of John Hart, and again, for the 3rd time, before he could attack, he was rudely interrupted and pushed into the tv rift, leading him back to his world at 11:58. Spike slumped to the couch, covering his face with his arm, and groaning. He was so done for the night. He began snoring.

Buffy and her friends entered through the door. She approached the vampire, about to kick him awake or the mess, but right now, her feet were hurting and she was tired as hell after a night of partying and slaying, she grabbed a blanket from the other couch and draped it over Spike while closing the curtains, trudged upstairs, and went to bed. Spike cracked open one eye and looked forward to the viewers of this fanfic.

"Fuck off." He says, before closing his eyes and drifting to sleep.

**Tell me what you thought? Was it good, bad, mildy decent at all? Around the end I just fucking gave up because really, I've been writing this for two hours straight. Hope you enjoyed folks.**


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